Have you found yourself transported into the Jumanji game? Is this your first time finding yourself in a mythical jungle where your demise seems to be waiting around every corner? Not to worry! This comprehensive guide to surviving Jumanji includes ten tips to help you make it back out the other side alive!
And because Jumanji is a multi-player game, there’s no better place to start the adventure of a lifetime than…
1. Bring friends who will have your back.
Literally. Bring friends who will speak up if they see a gigantic rhinoceros creeping up to devour you with their massive jaw. Otherwise you will go the same way as Bethany/Professor Shelly Oberon and find yourself taken out the moment your back is turned.
2. Consider your jungle attire.
Sunburn, thousands of mosquito bites, poisonous plants, nicks and scratches… There are honestly hundreds of reasons you’ll want sleeves and long pants if you find yourself in a Jumanji movie. Although maybe your #1 concern is the amount of humidity in the jungle, in which case the least amount of clothing possible might be a good idea. (It’s not.)
3. Learn how to do a running, twirling, jump-kick.
When antagonist Russel Van Pelt’s henchmen come after the four main characters on motorbikes, Martha/Ruby Roundhouse knows that there’s only one way to take care of these baddies: she’s got to explode their bikes. But not only that, she’s got to do it backwards, mid-air, with the force of her kick. Oh, and she’s also got to escape the fire unscathed. Sounds easy enough, right? Perfect, you’re one step closer to surviving Jumanji.
4. There’s no shame in the piggyback game.
Look, some of us are born runners, and others just aren’t. If you’re being chased by the Jumanji equivalent of Mad Max’s War Boys, and one of your more athletically-inclined friends offers to hoist you onto their back so you can tear through the jungle together like there’s no tomorrow, just say yes.
5. Learn geography.
In Jumanji, only Bethany/Professor Shelly Oberon is able to read the map of the quests the foursome must take to survive — which is all well and good for Bethany, but what about the rest of the gang? Without her they’d be completely lost. So you’d be wise to study different climates and landscapes beforehand, so you can, at the very least, come to the conclusion that you’re not in one of the fifty states. Open your eyes up to the setting of the story, and you can only grow in power.
6. If that fails, be next-level muscular.
Okay, so finding your way around has never been your strong suit. No sweat! If you can train until you get to The Rock’s veiny level of built, you’re probably ready to take on all the things the world of Jumanji can throw at you.
7. Fanny Packs are your friends.
Do you see that little number Bethany has slung around her waist? It’s the marvelous invention known as the Fanny Pack. Not only can Fanny Packs carry a surprising amount, they’re also much more portable, and won’t weigh you down as they jostle about on your tired shoulders while you run for your life.
8. Prepare for the unexpected.
We know, this is an oxymoron. How can you prepare yourself for something you don’t see coming? Well, in Jumanji, it’s imperative to always be hyper-aware of your surroundings and to never feel too comfortable — no matter how far you come. Because that’s exactly how you wind up in a bazaar, eating a piece of cake, and then exploding into dust. Remember, in Jumanji, plot twists abound!
9. Get by with a little help from Nick Jonas.
While Alex (or Jefferson “Seaplane” McDonough) might wind up facing a realization that brings him turmoil, he’s a pretty handy guy for the foursome to have around: he lets them stay in his treehouse, he makes them margaritas, and ultimately ends up playing a key role in their survival. So if you come across Nick Jonas while in Jumanji and he offers his help, just nod and say “I’m a sucker for you.”
10. Beware the drums.
In The Lord of The Rings, Frodo is gifted a sword that glows every time danger is afoot. It’s an incredibly useful piece of weaponry that saves his and others’ lives on a number of occasions. The Jumanji version of the glowing sword is the rhythmic drums, which signify the presence of Jumanji. (Spoiler coming!) Both the 1995 and 2017 versions of this movie end with the players relieved to be safe and sound back at home, thinking they’ve defeated the game. But as the films draw to a close, the ominous Jumanji drums can be heard, reminding us that there’s still more game to be played, and plot yet to unfold…